Christian Singleness

I am reading a book called "Sacred singleness" by Leslie Ludy. I was initially advised to read "Authentic Beauty" and "When God writes your love story". While searching for those two books, I found the one I am reading now.

I chose to read "Authentic Beauty " first. From the summary of the book I gathered that it will deal with me as a individual who still needs to understand my worth, one who needed to be reminded of God's thoughts towards me.

I deeply believe that as believers we cannot enter into relationships without first having a healthy relationship with Christ.  Some of us enter into relationships and cannot properly identify the voice of God. We need the presence of God,  even in our relationships, to steer us in the right direction.

In addition to knowing who we are in Christ we should know what to do with our SINGLENESS. We have called Jesus our prince, our bridegroom but yet we scream "we are not satisfied with Christ alone!" By jumping into relationships to quickly. We should cherish our singleness. It is a period where we can prepare. Get our lives in order. Spend every waking minute in the presence of God.

I started yearning to be married and have children at the age of 7. I was in second grade! I spent every waking moment from that age until I was 14 , drawing wedding dresses and homes,  playing M.A S.H to see how my life would pan out,  naming my future kids.  I remember at age 12 telling an old friend  "If God wants to ever break my heart he would have to never let me marry or let me marry and  have kids," Didn't I have homework? Why did I have so much time to obsess over my future?

At age 14, after almost losing my life earlier that year, I decided to join my best friend's church. I gave my life to Christ. Well not all of my life, just the parts I thought he could handle.  I withheld the love department and my emotions concerning my family.  That was for me to handle.  I didn't obsess as much as I did at age 12 for a marriage but I still equated marriage with contentment.

With this fascination of mine, I got the bare minimum of kingdom work done. Times I could've spent witnessing, I spent clocking my phone to make sure I received a call or text from whoever I thought my husband would be. Singleness for believers shouldn't be about waiting for the next relationship to come along. Its about spending time with Christ, alone, uninterrupted. Getting the work, he gives you, done with passion.  How can God trust us with a relationship if we constantly neglect our relationship with HIM?

I just,  I'm talking last week, decided to surrender all of myself to God. What/ who God doesn't want me to have,  He won't give me. What God wants for me,  He will move mountains to give to me. There is nothing I can do about it. The single life isn't a punishment, its a reward. 

Be and Stay Blessed. 

Love is in the air

Spring is here!

                Have you ever looked around and took a good look at what happens in the springtime? Well every year I do. I sit back and watch the flowers bloom, the rain wash the filth away, and the weather getting warmer. It’s beautiful, just plain beautiful. It also appears that people pegged their seasons wrong; the term “cuffing season” which takes place in the winter seems to go for double glory in the spring. New relationship statuses roll in every 5 minutes on Facebook; pictures of couples walking hand in hand are uploaded on Instagram by the masses. I am a sucker for love. It brings joy to my heart to see people happy and in love.  While I enjoy being on the sidelines rooting for the team, I often wonder when the coach will put me in the game.

  Roll out the notepad!

                I have been single for almost six years. I have had two boyfriends in my whole life (one on and off for 6 years since age eleven and one my sophomore year in high school for three months) I learned a lot about myself over the time of being in those relationships. I acquired great knowledge about the type of man I want in my life and have turned those facts into a list. . I don’t want to lose you so I will not even speak about what’s on the list in detail. This list describes my ideal man to a T! It includes His Height, build, ambition wealth, relationship with God, etc. The list just keeps going and going like the energizer bunny. I have realized through friends and family that my standards are too high. I require too much, too soon. I have never had a date in my life and I’m sure if I had one that list wouldn’t get me to the appetizers.  I have learned to relax. I cannot control everything

Singleness is HARD!

                It is not easy to go through five adult years in college without a significant other. College is the place that high school advisors swore up and down  you would find your friends for life and your mate. Well friends (check) - - even though I had great friends before college. Mate— FAIL. I have talked to a couple of people in my college years. Even though I vowed to tuck away my list, I felt as though my standards and morals were there to stay. Its one thing to say “I guess he doesn't have to be six feet or taller” but Honey Boo Boo, I can never see myself saying “I guess it’s cool that he doesn't believe in Jesus”.  It’s just not happening. Some things I can’t overlook. I knew upon leaving college – an elevated version of the hood, that my problem was that I expected these boys to value women when their pants were under their behinds. I wanted them to wait till marriage but I came off foreign because a lot of the girls in my school were ready and willing. Now that I have been exposed to the real world I know that I don’t even have time for a relationship right now. Between work, school and church; I don’t think I would be physically or emotionally available to any man. While my desire to be in a committed and healthy relationship formed by God is still there, I must work on me. I have been expecting so much all these years and never once thought about what a man I find ideal, finds ideal. So it may not be this spring or next spring that my prince charming appears. It might not be in the springtime at all. However, whoever and wherever he is I want to be ready when he arrives. Fully blossomed to my best potential and all stressed washed away. 

Encourage me

                For as long as I can recall, I have been that girl that had all the answers. For love, depression, stress, you name it; I had the solution to your problem. While it is a great thing to be helpful, many don’t stop and see me as human. As a human being I have issues as well. I cry, I stress, I hurt just as much as I pray, encourage and laugh. My life isn't perfect just because I can give the perfect advice.

                Sometimes I sit back and wonder how I ended up where I am. Who tested out my listening and reasoning skills first? I laugh because the answer is “Mommy”.  My mother is a strong woman. She endures like no other.  When I was a little girl my mother would talk to her children about her issues. Now that I am a grown up I vow to never do that to my kids. While I would love to have the friendship I have with my mother with my kids, I will not include them in my pain. They should be kids when they are kids. Even though my mother is the reason I have so much wisdom on life, she also gave me her experiences along with it. I have never experienced heart break but I feel as if my heart has been shattered a million times over because of all that my mother went through. I will not sit here and blame my mother for my pain because that it not the case. I am sympathetic towards her and I feel as if I owe her the world. My mother never had a Brittany before me. She had no one to run to and vent. I will gladly be the listening ears she needs even it has to be in the middle of me watching my favorite T.V programs – she has a habit of doing that.

                Even though Ms. Palmer was the first to vent to me, she wasn't the last. Family members, Friends and even STRANGERS open up to me all the time. Sometimes it is overwhelming, especially when I have a lot to deal with personally but I stop and think about my mother. Some people don’t have any other hope. For me, I know that I have Jesus. He hears all my prayers and his angels start to go to war on my behalf expeditiously.  

                In a sense my prayer life has been on fire my whole life because of this weird gift. My heart feels the pain of others. When I pray to God I hardly talk about myself. If I do, I say “God you know all about my needs.” Sometimes I just want to run to a deserted island and live by myself but then what will happen to all the people who need my advice. My mother says they will live. Deep down inside I know they will,but I know I will feel guilty that they had to face the music alone.

                Someone asked me one day who my Brittany was. I thought for a while and had to first understand who I am to others.  I am no one but a sign that points to Jesus. I’m sure if you asked anyone, who I have helped, about me they would say “Brittany can’t just give advice without mentioning Jesus.” (lol) No I can’t. Sometimes I feel that writing and praying aren't enough sometimes. Being transparent here, please don’t judge me. Everyone needs a physical being to talk to. Maybe they can’t help us every time, but listening is enough. Maybe they can’t relate all the way, but their presence is everything. I actually don’t have a Brittany. It’s like that question about who delivers the mailman’s mail. Who counsels the counselor? Jesus will forever be my all but sometimes I long for a physical friend who will just reciprocate my support.  After all like the song says “We all need somebody to lean on”.