For as
long as I can recall, I have been that girl that had all the answers. For love,
depression, stress, you name it; I had the solution to your problem. While it
is a great thing to be helpful, many don’t stop and see me as human. As a human
being I have issues as well. I cry, I stress, I hurt just as much as I pray,
encourage and laugh. My life isn't perfect just because I can give the perfect
advice.
Sometimes
I sit back and wonder how I ended up where I am. Who tested out my listening
and reasoning skills first? I laugh because the answer is “Mommy”. My mother is a strong woman. She endures like
no other. When I was a little girl my
mother would talk to her children about her issues. Now that I am a grown up I vow
to never do that to my kids. While I would love to have the friendship I have
with my mother with my kids, I will not include them in my pain. They should be
kids when they are kids. Even though my mother is the reason I have so much wisdom
on life, she also gave me her experiences along with it. I have never
experienced heart break but I feel as if my heart has been shattered a million
times over because of all that my mother went through. I will not sit here and
blame my mother for my pain because that it not the case. I am sympathetic
towards her and I feel as if I owe her the world. My mother never had a
Brittany before me. She had no one to run to and vent. I will gladly be the
listening ears she needs even it has to be in the middle of me watching my
favorite T.V programs – she has a habit of doing that.
Even
though Ms. Palmer was the first to vent to me, she wasn't the last. Family members,
Friends and even STRANGERS open up to me all the time. Sometimes it is
overwhelming, especially when I have a lot to deal with personally but I stop
and think about my mother. Some people don’t have any other hope. For me, I know
that I have Jesus. He hears all my prayers and his angels start to go to war on
my behalf expeditiously.
In a
sense my prayer life has been on fire my whole life because of this weird gift.
My heart feels the pain of others. When I pray to God I hardly talk about
myself. If I do, I say “God you know all about my needs.” Sometimes I just want
to run to a deserted island and live by myself but then what will happen to all
the people who need my advice. My mother says they will live. Deep down inside I
know they will,but I know I will feel guilty that they had to face the music
alone.
Someone
asked me one day who my Brittany was. I thought for a while and had to first understand
who I am to others. I am no one but a sign
that points to Jesus. I’m sure if you asked anyone, who I have helped, about me
they would say “Brittany can’t just give advice without mentioning Jesus.” (lol)
No I can’t. Sometimes I feel that writing and praying aren't enough sometimes. Being
transparent here, please don’t judge me. Everyone needs a physical being to
talk to. Maybe they can’t help us every time, but listening is enough. Maybe
they can’t relate all the way, but their presence is everything. I actually don’t
have a Brittany. It’s like that question about who delivers the mailman’s mail.
Who counsels the counselor? Jesus will forever be my all but sometimes I long
for a physical friend who will just reciprocate my support. After all like the song says “We all need
somebody to lean on”.
