Encourage me

                For as long as I can recall, I have been that girl that had all the answers. For love, depression, stress, you name it; I had the solution to your problem. While it is a great thing to be helpful, many don’t stop and see me as human. As a human being I have issues as well. I cry, I stress, I hurt just as much as I pray, encourage and laugh. My life isn't perfect just because I can give the perfect advice.

                Sometimes I sit back and wonder how I ended up where I am. Who tested out my listening and reasoning skills first? I laugh because the answer is “Mommy”.  My mother is a strong woman. She endures like no other.  When I was a little girl my mother would talk to her children about her issues. Now that I am a grown up I vow to never do that to my kids. While I would love to have the friendship I have with my mother with my kids, I will not include them in my pain. They should be kids when they are kids. Even though my mother is the reason I have so much wisdom on life, she also gave me her experiences along with it. I have never experienced heart break but I feel as if my heart has been shattered a million times over because of all that my mother went through. I will not sit here and blame my mother for my pain because that it not the case. I am sympathetic towards her and I feel as if I owe her the world. My mother never had a Brittany before me. She had no one to run to and vent. I will gladly be the listening ears she needs even it has to be in the middle of me watching my favorite T.V programs – she has a habit of doing that.

                Even though Ms. Palmer was the first to vent to me, she wasn't the last. Family members, Friends and even STRANGERS open up to me all the time. Sometimes it is overwhelming, especially when I have a lot to deal with personally but I stop and think about my mother. Some people don’t have any other hope. For me, I know that I have Jesus. He hears all my prayers and his angels start to go to war on my behalf expeditiously.  

                In a sense my prayer life has been on fire my whole life because of this weird gift. My heart feels the pain of others. When I pray to God I hardly talk about myself. If I do, I say “God you know all about my needs.” Sometimes I just want to run to a deserted island and live by myself but then what will happen to all the people who need my advice. My mother says they will live. Deep down inside I know they will,but I know I will feel guilty that they had to face the music alone.

                Someone asked me one day who my Brittany was. I thought for a while and had to first understand who I am to others.  I am no one but a sign that points to Jesus. I’m sure if you asked anyone, who I have helped, about me they would say “Brittany can’t just give advice without mentioning Jesus.” (lol) No I can’t. Sometimes I feel that writing and praying aren't enough sometimes. Being transparent here, please don’t judge me. Everyone needs a physical being to talk to. Maybe they can’t help us every time, but listening is enough. Maybe they can’t relate all the way, but their presence is everything. I actually don’t have a Brittany. It’s like that question about who delivers the mailman’s mail. Who counsels the counselor? Jesus will forever be my all but sometimes I long for a physical friend who will just reciprocate my support.  After all like the song says “We all need somebody to lean on”.